National Coming Out Day

I talk a lot about the importance of being Out and loud. Coming out so late in life has felt like starting over, catching up, and in some ways, falling short.

My inner world was always gay, always progressive, always subversive and a little weird. I covered all that up and denied it for 3 decades. Unlearning all the heteronormative brainwashing takes time and patience. It has involved sifting through a lot of things ("Am I a chapstick lesbian? A femme lesbian? What the heck is cottage core?") and figuring myself out. 

It's easy for a late in life queer to wish they had known sooner. I can quickly build up in my head this narrative about being out in high school and actually having the nerve to ask out my female crush; we date for 4 years, go to prom together, separate for college, then find our way back to one another in our 20's, happily ever after. But I've learned from talking to my fellow queers that everyone's journey is different and even the ones who came out in their teen years didn't have it all figured out by graduation. 

So I give myself grace and I remind myself I'm not falling behind or running late (yes I heard that in Leslie Odom Jr.'s voice). 

But I also encourage visibility, equality, and your presence as well as mine in this world. There is so much discrimination and misunderstanding, and so many queer people have had to stay closeted because coming out would put them in danger. For those who can't come out, I want to be visible, to encourage them to stay safe and have hope. For those who are looking for the courage to come out, I want to say, it gets better. If you have the ability to come out, it can be a relief to live authentically and explore what it means to be openly queer. It's not without its challenges, and it's definitely a journey rather than a destination, but y'all I am glad I did it. 

Happy National Coming Out Day, and as always, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.

~TLE 10.11.23